Let Them Eat Cake!

Yesterday marked 10 months until our wedding!  I'm pretty busy right now with trying to finish my thesis and TAing, so we're hunkering down (read: no traveling) for another 2 months or so.  At that point, I think it's fair game to start looking at invitations and cakes!  (I am always a couple months ahead of the "suggested timeline," but it's easier to get your first-choice vendors that way.)  Cake isn't super high on our priorities list; we want something to cut, that's non-ugly, reasonably priced, and above all, tastes decent.

Looking around at bakeries online, there are essentially 2 ways to decorate a wedding cake: buttercream and fondant (I'm leaving out the naked cake trend, because I think it's unattractive and lazy).  It can be harder to get clean lines with buttercream, but it's delicious.  Fondant doesn't taste very good (it's gummy and flavorless, if you've never had it), but you can use it to mold all kinds of shapes, and it gives a hard surface that you can paint on.

Most cakes tie into the rest of the wedding in some way, whether it be replicating the fabric or details of the bride's gown:

The one above is a little too vintage for me, but the lace detail is amazing!

Or the bridesmaids' dresses (the start of the now-ubiquitous ribbon cake):

Or the flowers:

Sugar flowers are pricey because they are difficult and time-consuming to make.  Gorgeous, though!

Beautiful sugar flowers!  It's easier to use fresh flowers, but you have to make sure you don't choose poisonous ones.

Or some unique feature of the venue:

Love.

Or the wedding theme:

Or the season:

This one is covered in tiny white birch leaves!

Pearlized candy "snowing" from the top of each tier.

Sugar snow drifts on each tier.  :)

Or the wedding motif:

 Quatrefoil!

You'll notice that the majority of these cakes are white.  Not only is white the go-to "classic" color, it tastes better than some of the dyed icings (and won't stain your dress!).  Also, you can hide little fun details in white-on-white cakes.  This one has tiny crosses on it, but I've also seen MLB team logos snuck onto white cakes, which is fun.

Not all cakes have toppers these days, but occasionally you'll see vintage bride-and-groom ones, silver lettered monograms, themed figures like birds or bride-and-groom avatars, or sometimes just flowers.

You can have these custom made on Etsy.

I think these would be adorable on a simple white cake!

As for us, I am obsessed with the stained glass cake above.  I think it would be cool to paint just the middle tier of a 3 or 5 layer cake to look like the stained glass of our church.  Or, we could frame a quatrefoil window on the middle tier using raised scrollwork:

and paint the stained glass in there!  I also like the idea of using white rock candy to create an "iced-over" look:

I love the details on my dress, too, so I wouldn't mind going that route... but it makes it difficult for Lance to help design the cake, and we generally like to do these things together.  Finally, if we decide to go basic, I think the ribbon cakes are pretty safe and non-ugly.  We've picked out a few local bakers to meet with based on their reviews, personal recommendations, and photos of their work online.  We will probably pick the one that tastes the best and work within their staff's talent constraints.  :)

Baby's breath cake stand--so romantic!

Finally, after you pick out your cake, you have to find a place to display it so that people actually get to look at it before you cut it!  Our venue typically puts cakes right in the middle of the dance floor until they are cut, but I don't think anyone would bother to visit it, because the dance floor is so big.  We also wanted the photos of the cake to turn out well, so we're going to put it near the entrance with some white-lit Christmas trees behind it.  Most bakeries will rent you one of those beautiful antique-y silver cake stands (seen several times above), and I really like those, but I also thought that it would be fun to use an antique sled as a cake stand!  These sleds have become popular as winter decorations in the past few years, so I think I should be able to find one.  I might even be able to borrow one!

We can't wait to go to a tasting!

Budgeting

By now, everyone knows that weddings are expensive.  Like, really expensive.  The Knot claims that the average wedding costs almost $28K.  In Saint Louis specifically, average numbers are $12-21K.  As a result, there are entire blogs dedicated to weddings under $5K or $10K, and many more wedding websites featuring DIY ideas or recycling/reselling marketplaces.

Diamond engagement ring: expensive.

As for us, I read a piece of advice a while back on one of the wedding blogs (I think Offbeat Bride or A Practical Wedding) that suggested choosing your priorities as a couple before you ever spend a dime.  That way, you make sure that you don't have to compromise on the things that are most important to you, and it's easier to say no to unnecessary expenses or budget-tipping options elsewhere.  

Dripping imported orchids: really expensive.

This strategy has worked well for us so far.  We agreed from the start that the most important things to us were 1) having our ceremony at St. Francis Xavier, 2) killer photography, 3) good food, and 4) (to a lesser extent) a nice dress.  At this point, we already have all of these things bought or booked!  Sure, I'd like to fill out our wedding day with meaningful and pretty details, but even if we go basic with everything else, we will be happy.  If one of us doesn't think it's worth the money for the fancy invitations or the giant floral centerpieces, it doesn't cause any conflict, because we've already agreed on our priorities.  There is no limit to how much you can spend on wedding-related paraphernalia, so at some point you have to stop buying wedding stuff and start saving money for life-after-wedding!

Indoor blue snowy forest: stupid expensive.

One final thing about your wedding budget: occasionally, ballsy people will ask you how much you're spending.  It may seem obvious to you how rude this is, but it's so common that there are entire pages on the wedsites dedicated to dodging the question or politely telling the asker to bugger off.  I've gotten this question several times, and my go-to answer is simply, "We can afford it."  Unless the asker is pricing options for their own wedding, the only reason they are asking is to pass judgement (for being too cheap OR too expensive!).  If they're not helping you pay for it, then it's none of their business!

Rehearsal Dinner: Booked!

"I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside... and I'm just not sure we are!"  --Phoebe Buffay, Friends

Lance and I decided a long time ago that we wanted a more relaxed atmosphere for our rehearsal dinner.  While we want the wedding to be formal--it only happens once, so we want it to be nice!--we think a laid-back rehearsal dinner will be a nice contrast.  We also had no interest in paying more for the rehearsal dinner than we are for the actual wedding dinner!  The first place we checked with was Lotawata Creek--a beloved local restaurant in Illinois that usually has an hour-long wait for giant portions of Midwestern food (known to the rest of the country as comfort food ;) ).  However, when my mom and I met with them, they said that they couldn't afford to give up the amount of space we would need in December.  After that, we looked around at barbecue places.  We have several good ones in the area, but none that seemed appropriate (nearby, owned metal cutlery :/ ).  Finally, we settled on Zia's on The Hill, my mom's favorite restaurant in St. Louis's Italian district.  The first time we ate there was for Lance's 25th birthday, and we've made several special trips back because their food is ahh-maz-ing.

We met with them on Monday, and we were pretty happy with the way that they structure their private events packages.  We will be able to build our own menu of 6-12 items, and there is no site fee, deposit, or liquor package required.  And, we will be able to serve toasted raviolis, a St. Louis area favorite, as an appetizer!  This is our event space:

I might get adventurous and print the menus myself (although they will do it for you), and I don't think the restaurant has centerpieces, so if anybody has an ideas for something small, portable, and cute, I'd be open to making a few.  Other than that, I'm not going to fuss over the rehearsal dinner too much.  No need for a theme, and everyone can get away with jeans!

Wedding Websites and Bridal Blogs

I was reading back through one of my posts today and realized that I don't always give credit to the sources of my inspiration.  I've been saving pictures for a while now, so I don't always remember where they came from!  Usually the Knot is a safe bet, but if you really want to know where it came from, I can do a reverse-search for you using the picture upload function in Google.  In any case, if you are planning your own wedding or helping out with a friend's, you can check out some of the sites I follow below (most are on Facebook).

Big Two:

The Knot and Brides Magazine are the two biggest names in the wedding industrial complex (WIC).  The Knot is my favorite, because it's easy to search past real weddings by color, season, theme, location, etc.  They also have a lot of etiquette advice and will make suggestions for registries, honeymoons, and local vendors.  Brides is similar, but I find it harder to navigate.

Smaller big sites with communities:

Weddingbee is home to legions of DIY and casual brides.  They have very active boards for members ("bees") and are usually more friendly than other discussion forums.
Project Wedding is also DIY-heavy.  It has a lot of pre-sorted photos, but is less organized than the Knot.
The Wedding Channel was purchased by the Knot a couple of years ago.  They still add some new material, but there is almost nothing on TWC that isn't on the Knot.

Websites:

Bridal Guide Magazine is neat, because it has a lot of the organizational power and size of the Knot, but tends to be a little more free in its interpretation of weddings.
Martha Stewart Weddings features high-end and difficult, but gorgeous DIY designs.  The personality of the site is very traditional.
WeddingWire is cool, because it allows more personalization; users can create a profile and build and review a site-specific vendor list.  The site also collects wedding-useful tools from around the internet and makes them available to people planning a wedding.
OneWed feels like a home-made Pinterest for wedding images.

Blogs:

Style Me Pretty collects real weddings and ideas from photographers around the country.  Their site is dedicated to really Pretty things, and tends to be very feminine and ethereal.
Offbeat Bride is the home of the non-traditional bride.  They feature real weddings that would never make the Knot, because the themes or couples themselves are so different from the mainstream.  This is the place to go when you start to get too fussy about tying tiny ribbons on everything.
It's a Bride's Life belongs to David Tutera, and hosts several bridal bloggers with different styles.  They are very prolific, so there are a ton of ideas backlogged on the site.
Snippet & Ink is a blog that focuses on elegant and meaningful details in weddings.  They have a whole corner of their website dedicated to inspiration boards to help couples find their niche in the wedding world.
Elizabeth Anne Designs features glamorous and timeless wedding inspiration.  Usually the photos they post are classic, with a twist.
Ruffled Blog is another pretty, feminine blog.  They like to post DIY, but doesn't look DIY ideas.
100 Layer Cake posts are for people who want their wedding to be colorful, fun, and upbeat.
Green Wedding Shoes features weddings with an interesting focal element, such as environmentally green, circus, or handmade themes.
Landlocked Bride features real weddings from the interior of the country.  Specifically, it exists to show that Midwestern weddings are every bit as beautiful as coastal ones, although they are often overlooked.
DIY Bride is for the person who wants to design and hand-make every element of their wedding, from dresses to stationary suites.
A Practical Wedding is great because it reminds you that your wedding is not your whole life.  The site also has a lot of essays on what it means to be a bride and a wife, and how your idea of each influences your identity and choices in life.

Photos:

Moment Junkie is a minimalist blog that posts individual photos that tell a story.  A lot of them will make you cry.
Carretto Studio, the photographers we booked for our wedding, have a blog online.  They do some amazing work, so I like to stop by every now and then just to see what's new.

A lot of these websites have been around a long time, but every once in a while, a blogger finishes what she has to say, or moves into the mommy blogger realm, and the blog is over.  I used to follow blogs Lovely and Gracious and the Unbride, but they have since retired... so those above probably won't be around forever!

Dress: Check!

I have a dress!  I made appointments at two stores and took my mom, Lance's mom, and my sister shopping on Saturday.  At the first salon (designer store for Demetrios), my consultant pulled several dresses that she thought I would like.  The first three or so were pretty, and got progressively better, but I wouldn't have bought them.  The fourth one was different, in a good way.  Just something you don't see all the time.  I tried on several more after that, but nothing topped that dress.  My consultant said she had to pull it off a mannequin for me to try on, because it was brand new and had just arrived a week ago.  Originally I was planning on shopping in December (before I got into the Christmas cookies), so I guess sometimes procrastination pays off!

At the second store, the consultant had us pull dresses to try on.  They had several hundred dresses in the store, organized by shape and amount of detail work.  We pulled a few, but all of the dresses in the store were very similar, and none of them were as well-constructed as the ones at the first store.  I love Maggie Sottero dresses, and I tried on a few, but none of them really did much for me.  It didn't help that the dresses in the store were not in great shape and the sample sizes were 1-2 sizes too small for me.  I personally wouldn't buy a dress that I couldn't try on, so that limited my options.

In the end, I decided to go back and order the dress from Demetrios.  I probably tried on 20 dresses (10 at each store).  I never had that "OMG, this is THE dress" moment that everybody talks about.  Instead, I just noticed more and more things that I liked about the dress and had a strong desire not to try on any more cheap-looking or ugly dresses.  I didn't cry, but everyone else teared up.  And, at one point, I walked toward a mirror and thought, "This is going to look amazing walking down the aisle of our church!"  Obviously I'm not going to post a photo of the dress here (Lance reads this blog!), but I'll show you my runner-ups.  Don't judge the iPhotography!

Runner up #1:
Maggie Sottero Marianne
Corseted lace fit-n-flare

I liked the all-over beading and the lace print.

The corset gave me an awesome shape!

That train is really, really heavy.

Runner up #2:
Allure Bridals 9060
Backless beaded lace dress

I really liked the beading, but the lace was coarse and full of daisies.  Yuck.

Loved the back on this dress!  You can't see it here, but the sides are see-through.
Very sexy, but not exactly what I envisioned for myself on my wedding day.