We have a florist!

We have a florist!  I was really dreading hiring a florist, because floral designer contracts are insanely complicated, and in the end the florist will end up using whatever she thinks looks best, anyway.  And, you're supposed to hire your florist one year in advance so that you can see what flowers are available around the time of your wedding, but I don't even have my dress yet!  As I've mentioned before, flowers are not one of our top priorities.  I want my and my bridesmaids' bouquets to look nice, and we have a few small ideas involving flowers, but if all else fails I would be equally happy with straight roses.  Luckily, my aunt's sister-in-law is a florist, and I've seen her work at my cousins' weddings, so I get to skip the whole floral quote nightmare (otherwise, I've read that grocers like Whole Foods will order flowers, so I would have probably chosen that option or an online distributor).

For my bouquet, I would like classic white with a lot of different flowers.  I think it would be fun to incorporate different flowers that mean something to me: roses for my late Grandma, carnations for my mom, sweetpeas because that's what Lance calls me sometimes.  I like orchids and calla lilies for texture, freesias because they smell pretty, stephanotis because it's "the wedding flower," and baby's breath because it is snowy looking.  Lance likes hydrangeas, so I'm open to those as well.  I hate peonies, though; they are the brussels sprouts of flowers--round and peely and yuck.  I know it might be too much to incorporate all of those flowers, but I think a few different types of flowers creates interest.

I do like some other types of flowers, like these blue ones that would contrast nicely with a white dress, but I feel like they are riskier.

Those spikey blue ones are cool.

Beautiful, but too much drama for me.

I like the dusty miller at the bottom of this one, but the flowers are a bit too Christmas-y.

For bridesmaids' bouquets, I like either the white (if the dresses are gray or black) or light blue (if the dresses are blue).  I really like the look of lighter flowers on a more saturated dress.

But, if all else fails, there are always roses.  :)

(Not exactly our color scheme, but light blush roses look good against white and blue dresses.)

Finally, we are thinking of using rose pomanders to decorate my and Lance's chairs,

and maybe a floral wreath for the front of our car.

I think that's pretty much it for flowers.  We aren't decorating the church at all, because that would be a waste of time in such a pretty space.  We decided not to do boutineers for the bridal party, because technically you are supposed to choose between a pocket square and a bout (though no one does), and Lance has accidentally smashed almost every bout I've ever given him.  He also mentioned that at most weddings, when the box of bouts is delivered to the guys, they all wander around confused until they find a woman to pin them on.  So, with the exception of the grandfathers (our dads will be in tuxes too), we won't be needing those!

Reception Decor

We had a site visit at our reception hall over break, and I'm really glad we did!  It helped clarify that what we already have planned for reception decor is enough--I like to keep things simple, anyway.  For instance, originally I thought there were 2 doors into the hall, and I was planning on standing birch trees on either side of them to make them more interesting.

Maybe with floating candles in them.

Or maybe birch pole arches with mistletoe or kissing balls on them for people to kiss as they walk through.

Yes, this is a chuppah, but use your imagination!

However, on our second visit, we noticed that there are 4 doors into the hall.  That would be at least 8 trees, which is almost $1K in trees.  That seems like a bit much.  But, we did see that the doors open into the hallway and would be a great place to hang wreaths, so we're planning on that now.  Lance's cousin's child's school sells them as a fundraiser each year, so that's a great way for us to get what we need and give back at the same time.  Lance's mom even found some awesome battery-powered lights that we can stick on them to make them glow a bit.

I also remembered the dance floor stage as a really, really giant hole in the wall that I was planning on covering up with a fabric backdrop (which is a little prom-ish, but we're talking about a BIG hole).  After looking at it again, though, it seemed all right.  It has uplighting in it, and if we stick the DJ on the stage, we don't have as much room to make up.  I thought about sticking candles along the edge of the stage for about 30 seconds, because if you look that direction from the tables, there will be a weird candle-less dead spot.  However, we will have kids at the wedding, and for some reason people really don't watch their kids at weddings (once I saw kids using a candle-heavy head table as a base for tag, and I was just waiting for the candles to fall over and catch the lace on fire). I don't want to do anything that could set fire to a child or the building, so that's out.  Maybe I'll stick a birch tree with floating candles on either side of the DJ.  Or maybe we could rent some white couches to stick in there to make a very loud lounge/club area (I'm not that cool, but maybe our friends are?).

I was also planning on sticking candle luminaries outside of the hall, but looking at it again, there really isn't a place to put them!  I think we will end up throwing some extra lights on the bushes out there, but mostly the grounds are already decorated for Christmas in December.

Other than that, we are planning on 2 bunches of 3 Christmas trees with white lights on either side of the hall.  One bunch will be a backdrop for the cake (and a place for people to take pictures once it's cut).  The other bunch will be for guests to put gifts under.

Next to the gift trees, we will have a mailbox for cards [very Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening ;)].  I've asked my younger cousin, a carpenter, to make the stand for me, and I'm going to paint the actual mailbox with our names or a phrase like "Cards for the happy couple."  maybe we'll wind some garland around it, and maybe I can find one of those awesome feather cardinal ornaments to stick on it.

This is an escort card display, but I like it as a card box.

We're planning on putting family photos in black and white frames on the fireplace mantle in the foyer, and we need to find something cute to stick in this weird little shelf in the hallway, but then we're done!

We found some awesome stuff at the after Christmas sales, too!  Sparkly cotton "snow" tree skirts for our trees and the mailbox, thousands of white lights for the trees, a handful of white balsam candles for an evergreen smell, jingle bell wreath hangers, some pine cones for the mantle, and some ribbon.

This is two layers of fluff with two strands of lights in between.  It looks a little sloppy here because I didn't take the time to make sure the top layer covered the bottom layer before I took the picture.

The red ribbon is for stringing jingle bells for the kids.  I just liked the blue and silver; I don't know what I'm using it for yet.

That's all for now!

Themes and our (multiple personality) concept

It is trendy right now for weddings to have a theme.  Sometimes it's inspired by the location of the wedding (beach, winery, library), the couple's heritage (Mexican, Indian), the bride's sense of style (vintage, bohemian), the couple's interests (camping, traveling), or simply the season (fall, winter).  Mainstream wedsites Brides, Bridal Guide, and the Knot all have quizzes or filters that are designed to help people choose a style or a theme for their wedding (classic, modern, garden, rustic).  Even the nonconformists chose niche themes to express who they are as a couple (Victorian steampunk octopus).

Some of these themes lend themselves to gorgeous pictures, but it important to note that these themes, while meant to be a celebration of the couple's individuality, can actually distract from the couple and the sanctity of the day.  This became obvious to me when Lance and I went to a friend's wedding last year.  My friend was a no-muss, no-fuss Chinese bride, and her wedding was a traditional Chinese feast (as in, they eat 10 courses over 5 hours) in a Chinese hotel in Flushing.  She didn't choose centerpieces or decorations; the hotel provided different color balloons, traditional red linens, and a double happiness character backdrop.  Despite the fact that the wedding looked exactly like the other 4 weddings happening in the hotel at the same time, the focus of the wedding was always on the couple, rather than judging how well the decorations fit the theme.  Thus, I think it's important not to spend all of your energy cultivating your theme.

I am learning, though, that having a theme or a concept can help provided some direction in the endless sea of wedding choices.  For instance, you wouldn't want a heavy dress with a cathedral train at a beach wedding, it would just look odd.  It's nice to have things generally go together and produce a cohesive look.

Lance and I decided to try to describe our wedding style, and while we are on the same page, we found putting it into words incredibly difficult.  We know who we are, as individuals and as a couple, but it is difficult to summarize.  I think that's a symptom of our "living between worlds" (briefly, part city, part country, but it goes deeper than that).  We tried once, when we first moved in together, to describe a joint home decorating style (one thing that magazines tell you to think about when deciding "your" wedding style).  We decided that our couple decorating style was rustic-elegant-Shaker-Gothic-Western.  Figure that out.

We had an equally rough time putting our wedding style into words.  We like nature-inspired elegance (Pottery Barn calls it rustic-luxe) (think fur cover-ups and snow-like crystals on dresses rather than cowboy boots and burlap).  We will have wintry touches, but don't want our wedding to look like a glorified Christmas party (think baby's breath, which is reminiscent of snow, rather than actual snowflake patterns).  Lance calls the concept "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening," after the Robert Frost poem.  I think that's fair, but we are also going to let the architecture of our church inspire our colors and the formality of the event (while not rustic, I wouldn't call Gothic* cathedrals urban, either).  Romantic, a little bit storybook, a reflection of nature, without edging over into princess.  (I really don't want people to get "princess" from our wedding.  I'm a little worried about that given the castle-like look of the church and a few other details.  :/ )  So, cathedral winter woods?

So far I think the choices we've made have worked well within our concept.  In the end, I'm hoping that if we just choose things we like, it will all come together.  That said, David Tutera managed to base the entire second draft of his show on brides with completely disjunct and confusing themes.  So, wish us luck!

*(Churches with spires, ribbed arches, quatrefoils, and stained glass, not angry teenagers in black eyeliner.)

Lights hung to resemble stars

Ring pillow leaf charm

Wedding Day Timeline

Every time we meet with a new wedding vendor, they ask us if we are working with a wedding planner.  You can almost see the tension leave their bodies when we say that we aren't.  Truthfully, I don't know why we would hire a planner.  I started looking at wedding websites in 2008, when the first of Lance's friends got married and I realized that I knew nothing about weddings, including etiquette (I was not one of those girls who grew up dreaming of my wedding).  Wedsites turned out to be a huge time sink, as weddings combine my love of pretty things and my love of organizing things, so at this point I've read more articles and seen more inspiration than most of our friends combined.  I think we'd be hard pressed to find a wedding planner who could tell me something that I couldn't find online.  St. Francis Xavier and the Cedars both provide on-site day-of coordinators, and our photographers offered to help us structure the in-between times.  Thus, we already have a rough outline of the day!

8:30                 Hair appointment 

10:30-11:45     Getting ready photos in the hotel suite

11:45-12:15     First look, couple photos

12:15-12:45     Some bridal party photos

1-2pm             Allowed to set up and access “getting ready” areas at St. Francis Xavier

1-1:30             Lunch with bridal party at St. Francis Xavier

2-3pm             Ceremony

3-3:30             Formal photos in the church, family photos

3:30                Photos nearby

4:40                Travel to reception

4:43                Sunset

5:00-10:00       Reception

Now all we need to do is fill in the holes for the bridal party and immediate family, so people don't feel like they are waiting around all day.  :)

Our Reception Site: The Cedars

I've mentioned before how we chose our church, but I haven't talked about the process we used to choose a reception venue.  And I do mean process.  Having decent food is one of our top priorities, so we scoured the internet for reception venues and caterers and checked all their reviews.  Thirty percent of Saint Louis wedding receptions are held in traditional reception halls, but we were open to different spaces, as long as they were in keeping with the formality we envisioned for the event.  We considered our church's hall, restaurants, hotels, lodges, dedicated banquet halls, historic mansions, museums, art galleries, and golf clubs.  We found over 110 locations in the area!

We knew we would need to seat around 200 guests at the reception, so we weeded out any place smaller than that--including all of the historic properties, which usually only accommodate around 100.  From there, we crossed off any that were outside of our budget.  That eliminated most of the hotels--particularly those with a view of the arch, which start around $75/plate (yikes!).  It also knocked out a local train station that I loved, which has an insanely beautiful and winter-perfect banquet hall with Gothic lanterns and stained glass windows in an old train barn, but honestly I wouldn't feel good about paying that much for a dinner even if we were made of money.  It just doesn't seem right given all the needy people in the world.

Gorgeous, though!

Finally, we could get to whether the space was actually pretty, whether other couples have given them positive reviews, and whether or not the food was actually good.  We had a handful of places left, so we decided to be a little creepy and drive by them to see if it was worth scheduling a site visit.  I'm actually really glad we decided to do that, because it ruled out two more places immediately.  One was a historic restaurant with ties to the local beer industry.  It was very poorly maintained, with paint falling off the building in long strips, and we didn't feel safe in that area even in the daylight.  The other was an "old world themed banquet hall."  That place looked fine, but as we drove down an alley to the parking lot, we noticed that the building next door was an abandoned glass industrial nightmare with machinery everywhere and meat hooks hanging from the ceiling.  Meat hooks.  It looked like a scene out of Lance's zombie game The Last of Us.  I was waiting for a serial killer with a chainsaw to jump out at any minute.  I can only imagine what our families would have said when they saw that! 

We decided to schedule site visits with two places that we really liked... and only one of them returned our phone calls and emails.  So, we went to look at the Cedars and hoped for the best.  We could not be more pleased!  The reception space, actually the hall of another Catholic church, seats up to 400 for dinner.  The first thing you see when you walk in the door is a (working!) fireplace, and chandeliers dot the ceiling inside.  It's the perfect space for winter--it even has a coat check!  We lucked out because the Cedars has been flying under the radar somehow; it has fantastic reviews on WeddingWire but hasn't shown up on bigger sites like The Knot yet.  We also liked that it didn't have any weird package deals (some places have "preferred vendors" that they require you to use for cakes, flowers, etc.), and that it has its own parking lot (not a given in the city).  The thing we like best of all, though, is the site coordinator, Sabrina.  She has been fantastic about answering questions and very flexible and enthusiastic with any specific ideas or requests we have.  We are so excited and lucky to have her on our team!

We scheduled another site visit over break to see what the space would look like set up for a wedding in December.  Pictures below!


The fireplace:

One of the 8-person tables.  We hate chair covers, so we were excited about these chairs, which will go with our black tablecloths:

 We get to choose linen colors.  Our napkins will probably be this silver color:

The dance floor and one of the chandeliers:

The stage with the blue uplighting we will probably use:

The hall has four doors leading to the foyer and hallway.  I was thinking of decorating them in some way, but now I think I might just leave them alone:

I think I'm going to throw some lights on those bushes outside:

Our website is live!

As you probably already know, our website is live!  I tried to finish the majority of it before we sent the save-the-dates.  Let me know if there is anything you think is missing.

Lance and I decided to do a website as an alternative to pocket invitations.  I love pretty paper--nowadays you can hire a professional stationer to design beautiful custom wedding suites--and one popular option is pocket invitations.  I think they're awesome, because they hold inserts for all sorts of information (maps, things to do, hotels, etc.) to help people plan their trips.  However, they run $3-5 and up, even if you make them yourself!  Lance wasn't a big fan ("That's a lot of money for something most people are going to throw away.").  I couldn't argue with that, and I also didn't like the idea of killing so many trees for just one day.

I figured I could communicate most of this information with a website instead.  I don't like most of the website templates that I've seen on sites like the Knot, so I decided to use this opportunity to learn to build a website on my own.  Google Sites has been awesome for this project--it's not exactly intuitive all the time, but there is a lot of help available online.  It also lets you click through most options or play with the html code, so you can really learn as much as you feel is necessary for your project.  Kinda neat.  I'm planning on adding an interactive Google map or a pretty line drawing one (which you can do at weddingmapper.com), filling in the rest of the details, and I'm done!