These days, the Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC) tells us that a wedding can't just be a wedding. You need an engagement party, a themed bridal shower, a bachelorette party that involves plane tickets, and a rehearsal dinner on a yacht. The wedding itself can't last just one night; you need a plan a whole wedding weekend, complete with welcome dinners and farewell brunches. I'm not totally immune to the pressures of the WIC. I like the idea of spending the whole weekend with friends and family (albeit with less fuss). I figure if people are taking the time to travel to my wedding, I'm going to try to see them for more than a few busy hours!
That said, I see no real need for a shower or bachelorette party. It's not that there aren't things that we would like to have. Even though we live together, I'm still a student, we are saving money for the wedding, and we try not to bring too much extra stuff into our tiny apartment, so we haven't invested in many nice home things yet. However, I don't think that putting together our home is anyone else's responsibility. I also don't care for shower games (most. boring. thing. ever.) or the photos of "toilet paper bride" that end up on Facebook. As far as the bachelorette, I'm not the wild and crazy type, and the whole "last night of freedom" concept implies that marriage is confining or limiting in some fundamental way, which I disagree with. And, as my friend told our landlord senior year of college, my circle is more likely to throw a tea party than a house party. A bachelorette brunch would be more my speed.
Ultimately, though, the biggest reason that I'd rather not mess with the other parties is that I don't expect our friends and family to spend their life savings on our wedding. I know that our families will be there for us and contribute to putting everything together if need be, and that is enough. As far as friends, I can't imagine asking anyone to fly in more than once. Weddings are expensive enough as it is! Trust me, we know. Lance and I have been to upwards of 30 weddings in the past 5 years. Honestly, we're not extravagant gift givers. Instead, we do everything we can to give people what we ourselves would want: the presence of friends and family. According to one recent study, the average guest spends upwards of $500 to attend a wedding. Factoring in flights, gas, food, hotels, and gifts, I can tell you that we've crossed that line more than once (and we will do it again, because we love our friends and weddings give us an excuse to travel). But when it comes to our own wedding, I don't want such a joyful event to become a financial burden for anyone. What we really want is to be surrounded by our family and friends. The rest is just icing on the (wedding) cake.
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