Unplugged Wedding

One new wedding trend that I'm really excited about is the unplugged wedding.  An unplugged wedding is one in which the bride and groom ask their guests not to take pictures or be on their devices for all or part of the wedding ceremony and reception.  Having an unplugged wedding has several benefits.  First, it allows guests to be mentally and emotionally present at the event, rather than engaged with their devices.  It forces them to actually look around, rather than see the world through a viewfinder.  Weddings are supposed to be once-in-a-lifetime events, and the bride and groom really want their loved ones to spend it with them!  Second, when guests take it upon themselves to act as photographers for the bride and groom, they tend to interfere with the professional photographers, sometimes ruining their only chance at a shot.  Flashes, focus laser dots, and people roaming the church aisles can get in the way and ruin the professional photos of key moments, like the first kiss or the cake cutting.  Once someone else's flash has gone off, there is no repairing the photographer's photos.  I was at a wedding last summer where the first few rows of people were actually holding up entire iPads to take photos.  Needless to say, no one in the back could see the bride and groom.  I don't think I've ever personally interfered with the professional photographer, but I have spent part of a 15-minute ceremony trying to take a good picture of the couple, and let's be honest, they never turn out well.  It makes much more sense to make the professional photos available to the wedding guests after the wedding and allow people to enjoy the day without their cameras.

Guest flash washes out professional photo of the bride and her dad.

Somebody's Uncle Bob haunting the aisles.

Lance and I are seriously considering an unplugged ceremony (reception photos are fair game).  To do this, we would print something in our program, or have a sign in the foyer, that says something like:

"We are so glad you're here to celebrate with us today!  We invite you to be fully present at our wedding.  Please turn off all cameras and cell phones during the ceremony."

We could also take a moment after the processional, before the ceremony begins, to allow everyone to take the shot they really want--of us smiling at the front of the church, before having the priest issue a friendly reminder to everyone to turn off their phones for the duration.  We will have the rights to distribute our professional photos, so we would then make the pictures available online (and maybe send a few in the thank-you cards) afterwards.

I have much less of a problem with photos at the reception.  Sure, the green dot of doom might be a problem during the cake cutting or the first dance, but those moments are not sacred in the way that a wedding Mass is.

What do you think about unplugged weddings?  I realize that some guests might not like being separated from their electronics, but I really like the idea of having everyone emotionally engaged with the ceremony.  After all, it only lasts an hour!

For Our Littlest Guests

To me, weddings are about family: blending two families with unique histories to create a new family unit.  As a consequence, I never considered having an adults-only wedding, even though I have a large family and dozens of cousins, and it would have helped shave down the guest list.  That said, weddings can be boring for kids, and I've noticed that oftentimes, for whatever reason, parents don't really watch their kids at weddings.

That just happened.

So, I thought it would be nice to put together some welcome bags for the kids to keep them busy and happy.  Our venue offers reduced meal prices for kids under 6, so I thought that would be a logical target range for the kids' bags, and a way to keep count of them.  I wouldn't want to make separate boy and girl bags, because I think that toys are needlessly gendered, so everything should be appropriate for both sexes.

Here are some ideas I've seen or come up with so far:

Animal figurines
Bubbles (fun for the dance floor or a mess at the table?)
Cards (like jungle-themed Crazy Eights, Uno, or Old Maid)
Christmas books
Christmas cookies (our venue doesn't allow candy in the main hall, but other food is ok)
Coloring supplies

Crazy straws
Mini etch-a-sketch
Glow in the dark necklaces or flashing light necklaces (fun for the dance floor?)
I Spy for weddings, along with a disposable camera

You can print this one from Martha Stewart Weddings.  So cute!

Igloo or tent (so that play space is not centered on using the cake table as a base for tag)

Lego sets (they make very small super hero kits)
Mad libs
Matchbox cars
Puzzles
Sleigh bells (like the Polar Express) as decorations on the bags and ornaments at home (too noisy?)

Snacks (peanut butter crackers, animal crackers, goldfish?)
Indoor snowballs (I thought these would be cool, but probably not a good idea in a room full of candles...)

Stickers (maybe not...)
Super hero tattoos
Table games like mini checkers

Let me know if you have any other suggestions, or insights into what would work and what we should avoid.  I want the kids to have fun, but I don't want to give them anything too disruptive, messy, or flammable(!).  Obviously we wouldn't include everything on this list, but rather just pick a few things that we think would go over well.  Let me know what you think!

First Look

It is not a Catholic tradition to keep the groom from seeing the bride until the wedding ceremony.  In fact, the recommended Catholic procession is to have the priest enter, followed by the best man and maid of honor, followed by the bride, the groom, and both sets of parents.  This is supposed to demonstrate equality between the bride and the groom, versus the American protestant tradition of "giving the bride away"--literally as property to the groom at its inception.  In practice, though, most Catholic couples will use the protestant form.  Our priest said he has done hundreds of weddings and only used the Catholic form twice.  As for me, I would have been open to the Catholic form, but it also makes logical sense to me to have your opposite-sex parent walk you from one phase of life into another.  I left the decision up to my dad, and he felt strongly that he wanted to walk me down the aisle, so that's what we're doing.  (I will be requesting that our priest skip that "Who gives this person away?" nonsense.  I have been living on my own since 2006 and working and moving between states almost as long; I hardly need someone to take care of me.)

The Catholic Church's position on this matter made me feel validated in my thoughts that playing "hide the bride" was a tradition I could, and probably should, skip.  Trying to stay out of sight all day sounded unnecessary and tedious to me.  I don't think Lance seeing me before the ceremony will detract from my walking down the aisle--it's a powerful enough moment that it stands on its own!  When we met with our photographers for the first time, they asked if we would be interested in or open to a "first look," a moment in which you see each other in private for the first time on your wedding day, and the photographers capture it all.  I was open to the idea already, but they made a strong case for having a first look.  We are getting married on literally one of the shortest days of the year, so daylight hours for taking pictures are at a premium.  You also get photos of everyone early on, when their hair and makeup is fresh and no one has ketchup on his shirt.  Our photographers said that they did a first look when they got married, and it made their whole day more relaxed because they weren't rushing to fit in all of their photos before cocktail hour was over.  So, we decided to do a first look, and I'm pretty excited about it!

I don't know if you've seen first look photos before, but they are awesome.  You get everything from surprise:

To joy:

To curiosity:

To emotion.

Now we just have to find a place to do it!  It depends on the weather that day, but we should probably scout for a pretty place indoors at our hotel or nearby so that we have a nice backdrop.  If you want to see more photos like those above, check out these links from the Huffington Post, Bridal Guide Magazine, and the Knot.  :)

Let Them Eat Cake!

Yesterday marked 10 months until our wedding!  I'm pretty busy right now with trying to finish my thesis and TAing, so we're hunkering down (read: no traveling) for another 2 months or so.  At that point, I think it's fair game to start looking at invitations and cakes!  (I am always a couple months ahead of the "suggested timeline," but it's easier to get your first-choice vendors that way.)  Cake isn't super high on our priorities list; we want something to cut, that's non-ugly, reasonably priced, and above all, tastes decent.

Looking around at bakeries online, there are essentially 2 ways to decorate a wedding cake: buttercream and fondant (I'm leaving out the naked cake trend, because I think it's unattractive and lazy).  It can be harder to get clean lines with buttercream, but it's delicious.  Fondant doesn't taste very good (it's gummy and flavorless, if you've never had it), but you can use it to mold all kinds of shapes, and it gives a hard surface that you can paint on.

Most cakes tie into the rest of the wedding in some way, whether it be replicating the fabric or details of the bride's gown:

The one above is a little too vintage for me, but the lace detail is amazing!

Or the bridesmaids' dresses (the start of the now-ubiquitous ribbon cake):

Or the flowers:

Sugar flowers are pricey because they are difficult and time-consuming to make.  Gorgeous, though!

Beautiful sugar flowers!  It's easier to use fresh flowers, but you have to make sure you don't choose poisonous ones.

Or some unique feature of the venue:

Love.

Or the wedding theme:

Or the season:

This one is covered in tiny white birch leaves!

Pearlized candy "snowing" from the top of each tier.

Sugar snow drifts on each tier.  :)

Or the wedding motif:

 Quatrefoil!

You'll notice that the majority of these cakes are white.  Not only is white the go-to "classic" color, it tastes better than some of the dyed icings (and won't stain your dress!).  Also, you can hide little fun details in white-on-white cakes.  This one has tiny crosses on it, but I've also seen MLB team logos snuck onto white cakes, which is fun.

Not all cakes have toppers these days, but occasionally you'll see vintage bride-and-groom ones, silver lettered monograms, themed figures like birds or bride-and-groom avatars, or sometimes just flowers.

You can have these custom made on Etsy.

I think these would be adorable on a simple white cake!

As for us, I am obsessed with the stained glass cake above.  I think it would be cool to paint just the middle tier of a 3 or 5 layer cake to look like the stained glass of our church.  Or, we could frame a quatrefoil window on the middle tier using raised scrollwork:

and paint the stained glass in there!  I also like the idea of using white rock candy to create an "iced-over" look:

I love the details on my dress, too, so I wouldn't mind going that route... but it makes it difficult for Lance to help design the cake, and we generally like to do these things together.  Finally, if we decide to go basic, I think the ribbon cakes are pretty safe and non-ugly.  We've picked out a few local bakers to meet with based on their reviews, personal recommendations, and photos of their work online.  We will probably pick the one that tastes the best and work within their staff's talent constraints.  :)

Baby's breath cake stand--so romantic!

Finally, after you pick out your cake, you have to find a place to display it so that people actually get to look at it before you cut it!  Our venue typically puts cakes right in the middle of the dance floor until they are cut, but I don't think anyone would bother to visit it, because the dance floor is so big.  We also wanted the photos of the cake to turn out well, so we're going to put it near the entrance with some white-lit Christmas trees behind it.  Most bakeries will rent you one of those beautiful antique-y silver cake stands (seen several times above), and I really like those, but I also thought that it would be fun to use an antique sled as a cake stand!  These sleds have become popular as winter decorations in the past few years, so I think I should be able to find one.  I might even be able to borrow one!

We can't wait to go to a tasting!